Already Sem 2??

Huh.. What have I been doing this whole year? Its sem 2!! Not sure why just these past few days I felt unfulfilled. Like empty yet unsure why. This blog has become a tiny journal that fills every now and then with just plain thoughts.

I wonder, is it because of the empty home? Is it the feeling of loneliness where the eyes can oni see physically?

I realize its just soo easy to turn a blind eye and be ignorant bout things. Ignoring the feeling that I do feel lonely by busying myself/just watching movies after movies.
Ignoring the fact that I feel so passive, where I wanna live back the days of doing some crazy sports, table tennis or hiking or travelling.. Or even just walk around the mall for no reason~ I miss those times..

I wanna think I am suffocating or something. But I probably be lying as I am just being a spoilt girl who wants her candy. So many many things comes to mind now that I am not accompanied by anyone 24/7.

I can start thinking a lot of things of the future. I can put myself in different situation and then ask myself, can I bear it? Am I ready for it? Majority of the answer?..

I most of the time just break down and cry then calm myself by talking to God. After that going on busying myself. What am I doing seriously???????

Results.. I really do want to achieve awesomely~ Who doesnt? Sigh.. But part just wanna break free and scream. To just enjoy myself and do what I want. But then I HAVE.. just HAVE TO go and think about whether I will be able to cope with assignments. Then I have to go and think whether I am ready for exams and FINAL exam. FINALS IS 13 WEEKS!!! I seriously overthink!! A lot of ppl nw seem quite distant.. Some bcoz I push them away.. Which I know is my fault..

Not sure how, but it was just a sudden thought when I was walking to uni. I was thinking whether the 15 years old and 17 years old me would have believe where I am now. Sometimes I think the younger me was probably stronger than the current me. Haha!! To think even at times when I'm just lying on the bed is that the time whr I was strongest was when I was oni 10 or younger.. Weird??

Enough lar fr nw.. Gonna slp~ Nite my faithful bloggie =)

Rei