Trusting by Faith

I remember I used to alwyz tell the Lord or my pastors that asking me to sacrifice myself or anything except family I can do. Where the hardest thing for me to do would without a doubt be sacrificing my own parents or siblings, Abraham and Isaac. Well, so far in my mind that was my thought. I also use to think that if someone was to put a gun at my head or similar situation, I would no doubt take the shot or sacrifice myself for my family instead of denying God or Christ.

This semester even as I begin my journey, I realized 2 things. I can say all I want but in reality, I myself am not sure how i'll take it if the situation arises. I know that I wont be able to deny God but.. am I really not scared to die? I really question myself.

I guess God has finally shown me that I really DO need to entrust EVERYTHING to Him. Now that I am away from my family, I'm not sure why I don't see it like most students do? For me, I tend to worry sometimes like what happens if something happened and my parents or siblings needed help? Or they were in danger and I am too far away? The feeling of helpless-ness.. I believe God is telling me, this is a period of Faith. To have Faith that God is control of every situation my parents and siblings are in. I remember at the beginning of last sem when my parents left for the second time, I couldnt bear thinking I would be so far away from them and suddenly thinking of situations of friend's elder sibling or friends' friends feeling as some of them lost their parents or whole family.. And how were they able to take it? I thought to myself, I probably go crazy and ballistic. Or depression beyond measures.

But then God showed me, many missionaries had to entrust to God their love relationships, family relationships and etc to God even as they go and do what could probably put them in danger. How are the parents or their love ones feeling? How were they able to be calm and patient although they were sad?

I believe its the FULL trust they had in God. Where God always has a reason for somethings to happen. And as long as we follow His commands, He will see us through till we finish our purpose given to us by our Creator.

Again and again I am feeling and thinking now like.. As amazing as it sounds to be part of God's movement, its sometimes unfair for those that lose their love ones. Its sad to see the righteous get shot down because ppl feel intimidated. Its confusing sometimes knowing actually you have a chance to live a life just caring bout urself and drowning in ur own pleasures instead of caring for others and laying ur life for ur brothers as Christ has lay His life for us.

Maybe I'm hallucinating or something but sometimes I feel like I'm in a strange dimension, that something supernatural is about to happen. That everything I see around me now is gonna disappear or vaporize into thin air any minute. But its still there, yet I feel there is something urgent I need to realize. What is it? I'm only a casual student studying and hoping to get a proper job with good pay in the future and have a loving family and maybe if possible create this huge mansion for my family, my parents, my siblings' family all to live in together. Hm.. Haha!!

But yea.. this Friday, I prob see things different from many ppl. Or prob doesnt know/understand as much as some ppl. I dunno how, I'm scared, I'm speechless, my mind is blank.. Yet Lord.. What do You want me to do?

ReiRei

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. - Hebrews 11:1