End of 1st week Sem 3 Part 1

Its been 3 weeks(?) since I have been in Melbourne cbd. Days come and go. With each passing day I do the usual things; attend classes, cook, clean, eat, shower, sleep, find church, find cell, find cf.. Yet, somehow as I came out of another church I just attended.. Some part of me is asking, what am I doing in Melbourne. True, I wanted to attend a different major, I wanted an experience outside of Malaysia but.. I feel so.. bland? I’m not sure what I feel is correct, I’m still asking God, was studies all I came here for?

True studies is important, I’m not saying its not. But.. maybe its because its only been a weeks or 2 since my parents left(aka homesick).. but I just feel like a.. ghost wandering through this ghost city. Haha!! I really dunno how to put this. Exciting life.. it somehow doesn’t feel very exciting.

Am I expecting too much? Am I dried up or low on fire just cause I’ve been attending different churches? Lord, is my focus being fuzzed up?

How do we balance being so on fire for God, wanting to do His works, yet balancing and maintaining our assignments, studies and grades? How do we divide our time to growing deep in His Word while at the same time working hard on subjects we’re really bad at?

Discipline? Time management? Are those enough? Effort and faith.. I somehow most of the time hang onto these before I entered university. Through it I have really experienced moving with God but my grades, well.. They weren’t perfect. Just average. Being in uni feels like I cannot just have average.. It must be more. But at the same time, I really really wanna serve God, study and read more on what God speaks, what God has done.

Others can do it. Does it really truly mean that everyone can? Do everyone really have the capability of achieving what their seniors have achieved?

What do you do if a child comes to you hungry? Do you feed him/her flour instead of bread? Or crumbs instead of a biscuit?

What am I seeking for? What should I be seeking for? What is truly the reason that I came to Melbourne? Is it really just to study? To experience the different cultures and environment not “available” in Malaysia?

Cheers
ReiRei