A lil' bout me

What kind of person am I? True, I may not understand myself so deep but I do realize a few things when I change the layout and the idea of this blog.

The FIRST thing I realize was that I think a lot. I think far and probably over(as some ppl would say). I love to go deep into thoughts, what I would think..? I would try to understand the actions of certain ppl. I wanna know the reason for their actions and words. If its not bout tht, then I would be thinking. Why was my past that way? Why did I do that? Did I really fulfill the purpose God had set for me there? Or did I waste it and let it be passed on to someone else? Questions such as why do ppl suffer? Why do children cry? Why don't teens and parents take a sec to bother bout each other? Why do friends come and go?..

The SECOND thing I realize was regarding my emotions. Sometimes I myself don't understand why I feel this way. I thought I was becoming a psycho but then God shone some light. Its not just me, but some ppl go through it too. I carry with me so much emotions but I only show few. I realize deep down I do not want to share them. Unconsciously, I block them out, forgetting them. So when I share myself with friends, its sometimes sad but mostly happy and positive. I guess I do not want to share them just like that. I only want that "special" person to know both sides of me. However, doing this carried side effects. I feel lonely a lot, I go depressed, I get confuse, thanks to being tough all the time I feel heartache as happiness (like psycho lar!!)...There were times where I couldn't take it that I let out depression a lot. At times like this I create an ice wall around myself and break it when I'm healed again. The process repeats itself.
From normal > depression > feeling psycho > creating an ice wall > healing > normal..(repeats)

So these two things are what I learned so far. I'm not trying to boast or exclaimthat I am "mysterious", "special" or whatsoever. I realize maybe I didn't give some of my friends a chance to understand me. So there were misunderstandings. Plus I don't like talking this side of me much (face to face). Its awkward..

So yea..After this I probably type something bout the guy I look for. Hopefully there is such a guy, but we cant have everything rite? Lol!!