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Hmm.. I have written b4 tht I will state what kind of guy interest me rite. Lol! I find it kinda funny yet weird. MY first confession!! I have NEVER had a bf before, neither have i been in a relationship b4. However, its not that sad. I had ppl confess to me b4 but i kinda rejected them.

The Worlds POV
Whats coupling about I wonder.. Besides comforting one another. Having someone by ur side in times of trouble and joy. Knowing that ur not alone. Turning to someone to pour out your inner-most emotion to. What else? What else does the world see coupling as?

My POV
So far from my eyes what do I c coupling as would be someone to journey with in God's Word. Someone you can share bout God's Word and encouraging each other. Knowing God has given you this vry person to spend ur life with till you grow old, guiding the sons and daughters God had bless you with. what else? In genesis, God saw that Adam was lonely and therefore made a woman. So I guess God does approve of a man and woman being with each other. But that was when they were adults. How about as teenagers? Or young adults?

EXPERIENCES FROM OTHERS
After listening to some experiences, I understand that these times would not exactly be the appropriate time for coupling. But more for bonding with each other. Going out and have fun together. Getting to interact with more people and search for that one true person. True.. Its hard. Especially when u really like this person. Than he or she confesses to you. You probably cant slp a wink because you are confuse. Both your mind and heart want separate decision. The mind is probably thinking, no harm in trying.. so many people have done it before. Despite that, the heart thinks, I dun wanna play the person's heart..What happen if he or she is not the one?? Then would I not have followed God's heart??

Its scary.. Because you know that somehow, you have to make a decision. 1 out of 100 he would be the one. But then again, why rush? WAIT!! We both know how we feel for each other and that we like each other. Would that not consider us destine for each other? If that is so, why not wait?? If you guys are destine, he wont consider another girl rite? Neither would the girl consider another guy rite?

??CONCLUSION??
So what is your conclusion, Rei? My conclusion? Simple. If regarding outward appearance, I can say many. Tall, built, handsome, smart, sociable, etc.. But then again. Whats the point??? If the person is handsome, built and tall but have no love for God or fear of God or wanting to do God's purpose, what for??? He is merely a deco. The relationship prob last a week or month or so, in my case. So what am I looking for?? These are merely options I set for myself so I won't be thinking over every guy that confesses to me.

1. Believes in God (aka a Christian)
2. Loves God
3. Wants to do God's purpose
4. Grow with me in God's Word
5. Older
6. Honours parents and elders
7. Respects females (Would not force me against my will)
8. Knows his purpose
9. Would argue back with me if it is the right thing (even if he knows he might lose me)
10. Do not say those 3 words until he can finance for his own and me (torture him later to be able to care for his and my family as well =P)
11. OH YES!!! STOP USING THE F WORD!!!!
12. Does not do clubbing
13. Does not smoke
14. Drink alcohol only during functions but not excessive
15. Gamble only during chinese new year but not excessive
16. Not a playboy (Does not sweet talk only but really searches to know me)
17. Can give me encouragement not pull me down
18. Loves himself and thinks for himself also not just me or the family
19. Knows when to be serious and when to be playful
20. Loves me for my sinful and horrible side as well as my gud side

I think 21 onwards are those minor stuff.

21. Sociable
22. Protective
23. Does care to not be weaker than girls (if not how you even gonna protect urself, let alone me or the females -.-")
24. Looks at things mostly at a positive view
25. Does not judge anyone but forgives everyone (friends with everyone)

Sigh.. I cannot think anymore. Lol. I guess thats tht. I am terribly seriously crazy arent I =P. Nw you know why I havent been in a relationship. But nearly many times.

Oh well!! Lotsa love =P!!!

A lil' bout me

What kind of person am I? True, I may not understand myself so deep but I do realize a few things when I change the layout and the idea of this blog.

The FIRST thing I realize was that I think a lot. I think far and probably over(as some ppl would say). I love to go deep into thoughts, what I would think..? I would try to understand the actions of certain ppl. I wanna know the reason for their actions and words. If its not bout tht, then I would be thinking. Why was my past that way? Why did I do that? Did I really fulfill the purpose God had set for me there? Or did I waste it and let it be passed on to someone else? Questions such as why do ppl suffer? Why do children cry? Why don't teens and parents take a sec to bother bout each other? Why do friends come and go?..

The SECOND thing I realize was regarding my emotions. Sometimes I myself don't understand why I feel this way. I thought I was becoming a psycho but then God shone some light. Its not just me, but some ppl go through it too. I carry with me so much emotions but I only show few. I realize deep down I do not want to share them. Unconsciously, I block them out, forgetting them. So when I share myself with friends, its sometimes sad but mostly happy and positive. I guess I do not want to share them just like that. I only want that "special" person to know both sides of me. However, doing this carried side effects. I feel lonely a lot, I go depressed, I get confuse, thanks to being tough all the time I feel heartache as happiness (like psycho lar!!)...There were times where I couldn't take it that I let out depression a lot. At times like this I create an ice wall around myself and break it when I'm healed again. The process repeats itself.
From normal > depression > feeling psycho > creating an ice wall > healing > normal..(repeats)

So these two things are what I learned so far. I'm not trying to boast or exclaimthat I am "mysterious", "special" or whatsoever. I realize maybe I didn't give some of my friends a chance to understand me. So there were misunderstandings. Plus I don't like talking this side of me much (face to face). Its awkward..

So yea..After this I probably type something bout the guy I look for. Hopefully there is such a guy, but we cant have everything rite? Lol!!

The Children's Song

The song of the hearts from deep within. Take a moment to watch it. Just 4 min out of the 1440 min you have in a day.

Tell Me Why - Declan Galbraith

Starting Anew

As I restart my life for the XXth time, at the same time I decided to give my blog a makeover too XD. So to start off with the new blog, I decided to put up these pic as encouragements.













Hope this encourages you as it did for me!!

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." - John 3:16

Its been long

Lol.. It hurts.. Haha.. I dun even noe y it hurts. What hurts i wonder.. Lol. Lord.. What is wrong wif me.. I thought it was my imagination. The pain i feel or c frm others.. Wat is this.. Is it not my imagination?? I feel shadows stalkin behind me. I can never c them. After a long time.. Nvr tot i would feel scared of the nothingness.. Lol.
Why does my heart ache.. It feels like a simple wrong move n it will burst. Lol.. Wat is with me.. Like turnin into a pscho ny XD. Is this depression?? Dont sound like it.. Emo?? Isnt it alwyz like tht in this webpage?? Its like all my horrible thoughts n emo-ness buried here. Some ppl say they noe me.. How could u noe me better than myself?? I myself am searchin for myself. Lol.. Such a joke..
Sigh.. nvr tot wolfy would say tht.. Somehow while typing this, when u say it to me.. I couldnt stop it.. Lol. It just flowed.. I dunno wat to say.. It hurts so much suddenly.. I wanna stop yet i cant. I'm not who they say i am.. Coz i dun even noe who they describe. It doesnt sound like me.. Whr hav i gone i wonder.. Lol. Lots of crap.. Probably oni i will understand. Well, its a free blog anyway..
Thts it for nw.. Still got acc test tomolo.. Lol..Till i visit again bloggie =).

smile for me k, Lord?? Its practically the only place I can find strength to smile at others while i'm outside.

*Smiles* no?

Is everything fake??

I know there are ppl who care, I know that they do think for my good. However when I am in depression or when some things go terribly wrong. What am I suppose to think?? All those negative stuff that has been accumulated since young, that has never been told or shared.. All of them just seem to flow out and cloud my thoughts. Feeling of nothingness and feeling like a mistake born into the world. I am unsure of what to think. God say I have a purpose in life. Ppl say that I was not born by mistake. Then.. why does these thoughts fill me?? Some ppl say I am too free, but I feel like I am not. Everyday is filled with something different. At night I get all tired out and fall asleep easily. Need I say more? After a certain age, unsure when it started.. Depression had kicked in and slowly grown. I don't know why. I feel like I am not needed anymore. I am not talented, neither am I smart. I am hopeless at many stuff plus I always bring inconvenience. I can only cause trouble and hurt to ppl. Do you know what is the feeling of someone you care for saying they hate you or wish you were dead felt like? Or the ppl that you love avoids you? Lol.. Some of the ppl I talk with say I think too much.. Some of them even say thinking of others often or for their own good just lets them take advantage over me. Haha.. I dun understand how does ppl be cold and hot at the same time.. Or is it because I am always confined so I still dun see the light? Am I blinded?? I can confirm that after this is type.. After a few minutes, I confirm that I will return to my usual self. Whr I see that my life is neutral. Lol.. I wonder does anyone knows what I think.. Sigh.. This stuff comes and goes.. Oh well... its frequent but I hav nthg to say adi.. Cant help being emo.. Feel like shutting myself out..