Thursday, October 30, 2008

Cries and Hurt

How it turn out like this I dont know. I wanna die yet maybe not. I wanna cry yet i cannot. I wanna shout in anger but i feel no anger. I wanna curse but i see no point. How i wanna hate them yet i cant. How i wish i could turn bitter and turn them down. Being open does not seem to help, all it seems is to cause much hurt. Tears of joy which people see, but tears of hurt is what i feel. Though the memories i held have dear, now i have to watch them burn and scatter away. I talk in rhymes and riddles for i am silenced to speak a word. So in riddles i share my vry last words. I never meant for this to happen, neither betrayal, hurt nor pain. I nvr wanted to lose many friends.. Now it seems like i had no friends. In trouble times u push me away, in good moments u draw me near. In sadness i covered with anger. In misunderstanding both are nw hurt. I wish i could turn back time, that we never met or talked. A glance or word exchange between us nvr happen. It hurts so much just as friends, wonder if i had gone further more. In patience i hope i can endure, till the very last day i see u no more. Forgive me this is really all i can say. I have tried and can try no more. Friends probably lost i have no say. All lost in the wind with non explained. No more i hope to be apart of this. As long as hurt exist, i wish to go far away. Forgive me to all if i had done u wrong..

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Apologies and Forgiveness

Does apologies mean everythin?? Can an apology heal a scarred soul? Can an apology recover something u lost? Can an apology bring back memories? Can an apology make everything better?

Why do many people think that everything is gonna be alright with just a simple 'sorry'? I mean.. If u had hurt someone really badly like hurt their pride, or maybe u cheated/lied to them n hurt them spiritually.. Does a simple 'sorry' heal everything?? Maybe it does for the first time out of understanding n probably love (friendship n such..). However.. What if the person keeps repeating it?? Does that actually heal the person after a 'sorry'? Or does it deepens the wound?

Its sometimes sad how people take each other for granted. Teens taking their parents for granted. Some family probably the other way round. Then there r teen's love life.. Players takin the opposite gender as if everythin will go well for the opposite side as long as they themselves r alright. What kind of thinkin do we have?? To me i think oni one word comes to mind. SELFISH!!

How hard for a person to build their strength n courage to continue their journey in their everyday life in this corrupted world. Yet, how EASY it is for a random person to destroy it all. A world that was once created for everyone to live in in peace and harmony. Now seemed almost destroyed by war n corruption.

Yet.. Many thinks.. 'sorry', 'everything bound to go alright', 'dun bother bout it', 'too busy to bother', etc.. Sometimes when we learn or write essays in sch including the sentence "caring for the next generation", do we really mean it?? Or is it a simple sentence oso just to b said n not taken attention of.. Caring for the next generations... Whose responsibility is it really?? Youth? Young adults? Adults?

Maybe being too long-winded there.. But wat makes me think bout this is probably some friends i noe that does that often..It can hurt n break friendship if its not strong. It can cause bitter cryin and sorrow to grow.. For girls, how much can u take till u break? For guys, though many appear to b strong.. Somethin that had a huge impact on u suddenly falls apart..Would it not hurt like crazy?? Though i may not b a guy.. But from a lot of stories from friends.. When a guy is hurt bad, they r really broken. Girls emo easy, but for guys.. when they r emo.. They can do stupid stuffs.. So as friends, hold strong to each other. Dun over a prob break the friendship for no one can walk alone. Care for each other. Many of ur friends prob could b ur prob. Why do we go through struggles? So that if any of our friends go through them, we can help!!

The verse from the bible "Love your neighbour as yourself" would really apply a lot here.

I guess thats that. Continuing..
13 DAYS TO SPM!!!!

Monday, October 27, 2008

Nooooo!!!!!!

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Comp kena virus.. Sobs.. Cannot on9 on comp anymore.. Sigh.. So sad... Am actually on sis comp nw. Sigh.. memories.. stupid jokes n laughter tht save in comp.. Gone.. Sniff.. Anyway.. sniff.. Count down for SPM.. sniff..

....15 DAYS TO GO....

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Blog renewed

Argh!!! Accidently press a wrong button n the whole blog goes ballistic. Sigh.. Had to redo the whole thing.. Took up most of my studies. Sobs.. So for now this will have to do.. Sigh.. Anyway..
Count down for SPM starts here XD.

16 Days to SPM!!!!

Friday, October 24, 2008

A Quote

Empty churches and well-filled jails, Empty churches and mankind fails;
Empty churches and liquor flows, Empty churches and evil grows;
Empty churches and sin’s in style, Empty churches and youth goes wild;
Empty churches and wasted lives, Empty churchesand Satan thrives.

Empty churches and prayerless hearts, Empty churches and Christ departs;
Empty churches and homes are sad, Empty churches and men go mad;
Empty churches, no Pentecost. Empty churches and souls are lost;
Empty churches and drunkards die, Empty churches and orphans cry.

Empty churches and revival cease, Empty churches and crimes increase;
Empty churches and gamblers meet, Empty churches and wrongs defeat;
Empty churches and war clouds roll, Empty churches and no control;
Empty churches, forsaken pews, Empty churches and bad, bad news.

Empty churches and nations blight, Empty churches, O sad, sad sight!
Empty churches, men hate and kill, Empty churches and much ill will;
Empty churches, O sad the truth, Empty churches defeated youth.
Empty churches, it’s bad to tell, Empty churches, men go to hell.

(W.E. Isenhour)

Ideal Partner? Survey.. Verses!!!

Not sure what i am really doing. I guess its more of to just let my mind wander n let out everything. Many questions I thought to myself and answers that I have reflected upon.

Ideal partner (turn on/off) - something i got frm friendster:
Smokes?
~ turn off

Plays same sports (or other sports)?
~ turn on (turn on more XD)

Dance?
~ turn on

Sing?
~ Neutral

Smart?
~ Neutral

Liar?
~ Turn off

Aware of reality?
~ turn on

Mostly serious?
~ turn on

Fun?
~ Neutral

Childish?
~ turn on (being with kids)
~ turn off (tryin to act macho)

Humble?
~ Turn on (How many guys would do tht nowadays?)

Violent?
~ Turn off

Protective?
~ Turn on

Taking things for granted?
~ Turn off

Not knowing when to stop?
~ Turn off

Worried for others more than self?
~ Turn on

Respects elders (parents or ppl elder)?
~ Turn on

Respects religions?
~ Turn on

Love for Christ?
~ More turned on XD

Lazy?
~ Turn off

Gamble as hobby?
~ Turn off

Open book?
~ Turn on

Possessive of the ppl they care?
~ Turn on

Can cook?
~ Turn on XD

Loves kids?
~ Turn on

Too much ego?
~ Turn off

Secretive?
~ Turn off

Thinking sorry solves everything?
~ Turn OFF

Understanding?
~ Turn on


Ahh... I am out of ideas.. Lol!!



1. What are you thinking of?
>> Nothing but reasons how i got involve

2. Are you sad or angry?
>> Nope. Just really confuse n messed up

3. What annoys you most right now?
>> Hearing ppl sayin sry over n over again yet repeating the same mistake

4. Is something itching you to do now?
>> Maybe.. Feel like slapping someone but i noe i won't b able to do it

5. What have you always thought yourself to be?
>> Erm.. Be unique? A friend to all.. Err...

6. What is your weakest point?
>> Easy to forgive and make friends.

7. What is your strong point?
>> Always focusing on having a strong will

8. What is your greatest desire?
>> Totally focusing upon God and not let anythin pull me down or away from Him.

9. How much have you cried this year?
>> Seriously?? I think 4.. but definitely lesser than 10 XD

10. How many times have you felt like being torn apart?
>> Haha.. I think uncountable XD

11. How much have you change between these two years?
>> A lot. Personality, spiritually.. physically still same lar XD

12. Something that you truly want in your future partner.
>> Honest and cares bout me a lot XD

13. If you could change ur physical appearance, what would it be?
>> I dun wanna wear specs!! But i still wan my eye colour and shape XD

14. Whats the animal your so crazy bout now?
>> Wolves!! Wolf!!! Grey Wolf!! White Wolf!! Artic Wolf!!! WAAAAAAAH *~*!!!!! (I was so crazy bout them that i even nicked my best friend as Wolf XD)


15. Do you wanna be single or taken?
>> Singles have their benefits n being taken too has their benefits. So.. I cant really choose XD.


Thts all for surveys i guess. Now for some encouragements for ME!!! Free for all to use as well ^~^ .


" Be self-controlled and alert. For your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. (1Peter 5 : 8)"


" If your sinful nature controls your mind, there is death. But if the Holy Spirit controls your mind, there is life and peace. (Romans 8 : 6)"


" I'm afraid" I have not given you a spirit of fear (II Timothy 1 : 7)"


" I'm always worried and frustrated" Cast all your cares on Me (1Peter 5 : 7)"


" I'm too tired" I will give you rest (Matthew 11 : 28-30)"


" I feel all alone" I will never leave you or forsake you (Hebrews 13 : 5)"



Continue in next post. Wahahahahha XD!!!

Friday, October 10, 2008

Okayy.. I lazy to think of title. Can't come up with anything. Anyway, I am just gonna say my week. My week was... Interesting yet boring. I learned that having a crush can really pull u away from God. Especially if u not really clear what is goin on XD. U feel down, upset, stressed, frustrated and annoyed at nearly everything. Hm.. Well, my mind is clearer. SPM is near.. Really have to focus on God to guide me to use my time well. Lol. Erm erm.. I guess thinkin of what happened on monday to today, today would upset quite a lot.


I take my relationship with Christ quite seriously. Today sch is like half day since its frm 8am to 1pm. So.. we had PJK (sports) at the beginnning of the day. After that we rushed for our classes and didn't bother to change. During recess I was kind of lazy to change to sch uniform but at the same time i was bz coz i had to rush to find my chem teacher to discuss some test paper question (last day to key in marks). In the end found out he was relief-ing my class since EST teacher didn't come -.-" . Swt.. I noe.



Anyway, after that rush to canteen to eat coz didn't have breakfast. After sports super hungry >.< . Go canteen like nthg to eat. Drink a can of green lemon tea (something like tht lar XD) then rush back to class. I knew I should have change but.. after sch must change back to sports attire again ler. and it was like.. another 2hrs?? Ok this was wrong of me i noe. I even brought my uniform to change just in case i got in trouble XP. Okok.. so i went back to class. Everythin was fine till it was like.. HALF an hour before sch ends when discipline teacher (sort of) came in and like scolded the class and advised our teacher to make us go change 2 or 3 at a time. This is whr things got annoying.



It seems like those tht were in sports attire (excluding me) DIDN'T bring their uniforms. Not sure whether i was a bad liar or coz i was feeling bad, teacher didn't believe me when i said i didn't bring my uniform. Then this guy name Woon (aka turtle XD) had to really slice my heart by saying "Eh Rei (not my real name XD)!! Thought u said u Christian?! Thought u suppose to be vry holy wan!! Cannot lie lie rite?!!" Gosh.. I know i know!! N i was really feeling awful trust me.. Sigh.. It was like a rock/ boulder on my heart. Except when he said it.. It felt even worse (just when i thought i couldn't feel worse than..WORSE). It felt like something just pierce through my heart and really choking me. I felt like crying.. GOSH!!



Then another smart alec in my class, Chee Yong had to repeat half of what Woon said but added somehting like "Thr the thing on the cross.. Dunno what the name.." and acted as if HE was JESUS dying on the cross. ARGH!! That REALLY SETS ME OFF!!! I mean like u wan insult me fine lar. But how could u call MY God a THING!!!! I really feel like slappin him or something. Instead I shouted at him to SHUT UP!! But HE!! Just had to continue talkin as if i didnt mean a thing. Anyway, i didn't hear what he said after that but just got up told him that he can insult me but NOT my God. What do u think i did next?? Go change clothes lar XD. Tak boleh tahan liao mar. Sigh.. Half an hr oni then hav to change back.. Aihzz..



Oh well, anyway.. Chee Yong did apologize but he didn't think it through before tellin me i guess coz he said it like this "Rei. Sry bout just nw. I really didn't know the thing name.." I was still recovering tht time. AGAIN he go cal God the thing.. WAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!! Tak boleh tahan ler... Anyway, I just said "hnn.." coz i really nthg to say d, if not i was gonna burst. But guess what he said when i replied him like tht..He said "argh!! Nvm!!". Since when do u apologize then say nvm -.-" .. Geez.. If JUST saying sry and making an excuse as a reason to cover up is suppose to make the person forgive u, what a BETTER place our world would be!! So yea.. Thats all i guess. Nitez y'all!!

P.s
Decided to put some random pics i took here and thr since Pei Wen wants pics XD.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Hari Raya Holidays Over

Well, its been a week. Holidays r over and sch is back. Somehow, during this sch hols.. I did totally opposite frm wat i normally do during sch hols. Here is a list:

Every Normal Sch Holidays:
1. Movie Marathon!!
2. Slp time is after 4am
3. Wake up time is after 2pm
4. Have a slp ove with Signified Seven
5. Go out nearly every single day
6. No tuition or additional tuition
7. Online...Online...Online...
8. Msn...Msn...Msn...
9. Late night snacks..Ice-cream..Chocolates..
10.Study A BIT on the vry last day of sch hols

THIS Hari Raya Sch Holidays:
1. Slpt latest by 2am
2. NO movie marathons but got watch a movie or two
3. Wake up earliest at 7am
4. Rarely online or..i mean AND msn
5. No slpove
6. Tuition nearly everday
7. Studied nearly everyday
8. Went out once
9. Still had late night snacks =P

Blech.. Normally I would feel like i did nthg n wasted my sch hols. But i nw i feel the same as if i nvr had hols -.-" . Oh well, tomorrow is back to sch. Pray i survive SPM XD. Hm.. Bout the last post.. I guess i was being too much. If cant means cant. Honouring thy parents too means understanding n not being angry. Being angry at heart too means NOT honouring thy father n thy mother as it is written in the bible. So.. looks like i still much to grow ^~^. Till here. Nitez all!!



P.s
This is a picture is my first edited picture using Adobe Photoshop.