Although its not often that I come here and type anymore but at times like this when I really have no clue, it serves as a wonderful place for me to let everything out.

Is this the right step? Am I making the right decision? Why I can still question this?.... I can only say cause he is sooo different from the rest of the guys I've dated. And... I dunno. If I knew he was still in one even though he said its not gonna work out anymore, and still I saw all the happy pictures and dates, would I have still accepted him?

My heart is just heavy... Thinking.. Is it just his job to put me at ease? Or shud I play a part in making myself feel at ease too? Although he would compare with the other guys I've dated... And we agreed on not talking bout our exs/ex-admirers... Is it easy to let go of someone's past of ex-admirers than it is to let go of someone's past of exs? Or is it the same? I am happy with the future and present... But.... Just so so depressed and haunted with the past. And sometimes when I tot I'm thinking too much. Someone will tell me I'm not cause they feel anger on my behalf just hearing it. Yet... How can I say they are rite? Could they b angry cz they see me frustrated? Or r they genuinely angry coz it should be angry? He doesnt really seem to c it of something to b angry of, and his frens could b saying he is right.

If we wanna say wat does the heart say? Its still in the end based on feelings for this isnt it?

Although I dun wanna admit that it will be hard to get over and get on with life. Probably even harder for me to find another bf than he find a gf IF we happen to break... Bt I just dun wanna think bout it... Cz somehw almost everyone around me seem to think of it.. Hw can u face someone u shared a part of ur life with, while ur current partner is at ur side? I just dun get how people does it... Can u really bury all the painful and happy memories?

Its kinda sad cz if they say yes it will b easy to bury all the exs memories.. But when u bcome one of them... Haha... U will b part of the burying too..


ReiRei