If all goes well, then I will be graduating end of the year. What would be the next step? I dunno.. But no matter how much I try and convince myself to do well and etc. How some people tell me that they c me working in large companies and things like that but really...
I have no idea how I'm even gonna work. These 3 years of studying mostly programming and so on.. Until now, my programming is still sucky and weak. I've tried on designing websites and programming an app.. After awhile it either dies off... Or look superly basic and noobish. Urgh..... What am i gonna do..
And as any child in the family, we just wanna show our parents that we are doing our best. That life for us is gonna be a breeze.. ishifdsuhfdksbuysdbfjhdsgdshgudsyfgydsugfuysdg... This is all I can say. Aih aih aih~!
After that another question still stands.. Will my future be in Aussie? Or Malaysia? Furthermore... How bout him?... Still being human, how I wish I could c God's plans for me.
ReiRei
Monday, July 9, 2012
Although its not often that I come here and type anymore but at times like this when I really have no clue, it serves as a wonderful place for me to let everything out.
Is this the right step? Am I making the right decision? Why I can still question this?.... I can only say cause he is sooo different from the rest of the guys I've dated. And... I dunno. If I knew he was still in one even though he said its not gonna work out anymore, and still I saw all the happy pictures and dates, would I have still accepted him?
My heart is just heavy... Thinking.. Is it just his job to put me at ease? Or shud I play a part in making myself feel at ease too? Although he would compare with the other guys I've dated... And we agreed on not talking bout our exs/ex-admirers... Is it easy to let go of someone's past of ex-admirers than it is to let go of someone's past of exs? Or is it the same? I am happy with the future and present... But.... Just so so depressed and haunted with the past. And sometimes when I tot I'm thinking too much. Someone will tell me I'm not cause they feel anger on my behalf just hearing it. Yet... How can I say they are rite? Could they b angry cz they see me frustrated? Or r they genuinely angry coz it should be angry? He doesnt really seem to c it of something to b angry of, and his frens could b saying he is right.
If we wanna say wat does the heart say? Its still in the end based on feelings for this isnt it?
Although I dun wanna admit that it will be hard to get over and get on with life. Probably even harder for me to find another bf than he find a gf IF we happen to break... Bt I just dun wanna think bout it... Cz somehw almost everyone around me seem to think of it.. Hw can u face someone u shared a part of ur life with, while ur current partner is at ur side? I just dun get how people does it... Can u really bury all the painful and happy memories?
Its kinda sad cz if they say yes it will b easy to bury all the exs memories.. But when u bcome one of them... Haha... U will b part of the burying too..
ReiRei
Is this the right step? Am I making the right decision? Why I can still question this?.... I can only say cause he is sooo different from the rest of the guys I've dated. And... I dunno. If I knew he was still in one even though he said its not gonna work out anymore, and still I saw all the happy pictures and dates, would I have still accepted him?
My heart is just heavy... Thinking.. Is it just his job to put me at ease? Or shud I play a part in making myself feel at ease too? Although he would compare with the other guys I've dated... And we agreed on not talking bout our exs/ex-admirers... Is it easy to let go of someone's past of ex-admirers than it is to let go of someone's past of exs? Or is it the same? I am happy with the future and present... But.... Just so so depressed and haunted with the past. And sometimes when I tot I'm thinking too much. Someone will tell me I'm not cause they feel anger on my behalf just hearing it. Yet... How can I say they are rite? Could they b angry cz they see me frustrated? Or r they genuinely angry coz it should be angry? He doesnt really seem to c it of something to b angry of, and his frens could b saying he is right.
If we wanna say wat does the heart say? Its still in the end based on feelings for this isnt it?
Although I dun wanna admit that it will be hard to get over and get on with life. Probably even harder for me to find another bf than he find a gf IF we happen to break... Bt I just dun wanna think bout it... Cz somehw almost everyone around me seem to think of it.. Hw can u face someone u shared a part of ur life with, while ur current partner is at ur side? I just dun get how people does it... Can u really bury all the painful and happy memories?
Its kinda sad cz if they say yes it will b easy to bury all the exs memories.. But when u bcome one of them... Haha... U will b part of the burying too..
ReiRei
Is Love Really Blind?
Probably a stupid thing to think now but sometimes with everyone asking me consistently and for the close friends who know the story, I myself cant answer why I accepted.
Some tell me I'm a fool for still believing or continuing the relationship. Some tells me they have no idea how I could still accept him for the things he's done. Unfortunate I guess for guys that it sometimes/most times seem like the girl is right.
Then not only that, both of us being from two different worlds or beliefs. Do you think this won't be a challenge? And why does he/i want to make his life so painful as my life has so much more restrictions compared to his?..
Being a Christian and he a pre-believer, its not easy or common to find a couple like this and happy yet the Christian is steady in his/her walk of faith. I want to share and ask how to approach this. Asking God on an answer for this is so hard as it seems like everyone has a feeling in this.. And how would I know if what they share is really from God and nt their feelings? The oni answer so far I can come up for that is time.
ReiRei
Some tell me I'm a fool for still believing or continuing the relationship. Some tells me they have no idea how I could still accept him for the things he's done. Unfortunate I guess for guys that it sometimes/most times seem like the girl is right.
Then not only that, both of us being from two different worlds or beliefs. Do you think this won't be a challenge? And why does he/i want to make his life so painful as my life has so much more restrictions compared to his?..
Being a Christian and he a pre-believer, its not easy or common to find a couple like this and happy yet the Christian is steady in his/her walk of faith. I want to share and ask how to approach this. Asking God on an answer for this is so hard as it seems like everyone has a feeling in this.. And how would I know if what they share is really from God and nt their feelings? The oni answer so far I can come up for that is time.
ReiRei
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