I’m not saying I don’t have it. If you were always being treated harshly or hurt before, most of the time you either get depressed or you get revengeful. I guess its normal. Not everyone can be like Cinderella, just patient and obedient and always cheerful. Or having a fairy godmother who would turn all your downs to ups.
Yes, it is freaking hard to just sit there, keep quiet, absorbing all the hurts as it aims at your heart, after awhile you probably burst. I used to just absorb it until I cant remember when, I just explode. Haha! Then slowly slowly I kinda got impatient. Sometimes can be a bit demanding. I mean, correct me if I’m wrong but.. sometimes it feels good just ranting out your anger and frustration doesn’t it? Like a kettle, you gotta let the steam come out or its gonna blow the kettle and all water will come bursting out.
At the same time, harbouring all that bitterness is not good either. Somehow you will feel very heavy shoulders. I just stating this cause I go through it. There are at times when someone annoys me SOO FREAKING much that when the person say a word to me only, I get very riled up(like a cat’s fur standing on one end XD). Its like auto an ice wall comes around my heart. Aihzz.. Its nt gud lar k? It spoils friendships. I just know hw it feels like. The person says hi n ur blank and u just say whatever comes to mind before thinking thru. Thn u dun care coz in the first place ur already angry wif the person so nt giving a second glance would b like the person never talk to you in the beginning.
So yes, if you’re asking me hw to deal with it? I’m just TRYING to answer as essay-bookly as possible now. Saying just forgive the person and get over it is nt that easy cause I know it takes time. One of my worst cases took me like almost 2 years before I could talk normally to the person again. But if you can I do encourage. However while you can’t, I’m still looking for the formula. Thts all for now~ Tata~
Loves
Rei Rei +
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Sunday, March 6, 2011
End of 1st week Sem 3 Part 2
Please do not be mistaken that I do not appreciate what my parents has done. It is truly a blessing that I am able to do things and travel when I know many can’t. I’m probably really greedy =P.. I love my parents seriously I do. At the same time, I guess God has been so part of my life that I just want to continue journeying with Him and seeing His works. I don’t want to just be a usual normal girl only studying, then graduating then going on masters and graduating then working her whole life through. That’s what everyone is doing. Reading bout God’s work, being part of His plans.. It seems different.. Though I cannot see God or hear God, I just think that God must be really lonely and sad if His love ones don’t pay attention or realize He is there with us all the time.
When we study, where does our focus go? Our books right? When our assignments come, where is our focus mostly? On our projects right? As you eat, b4 you slp, as you walk to uni n etc.. You think how to solve it, you plan when is your next free break to work on it, our focus is mostly on assignments.
I’m like blindly typing whatever that comes to mind now. Putting myself in God’s position.. Where thinking what must it be like to love someone so badly and not be loved back? Or putting so much care and effort creating something so fearfully and wonderfully only to have it taken away.
Calming down.. I dunno why or how I suddenly got so emotional. Just saying things that I feel.. But seriously.. How does God do it? We can say we love someone so much, but how long do we love that person after he/she brutally hurt us, use us, ignore us, forget us and etc. I bet after awhile most of us prob just give up right? Especially after that person found another partner. You could say cause God does not have a female to love or another god or something, I dunno. Aihz.. Its truly mystifying why God would create man and woman to love each other yet wanting each gender to love Him. Yet He probably only have angels to talk to and.. I dunno. Mind boggling. Cant imagine what heaven is like. Haha!!
Cheerio~
ReiRei
When we study, where does our focus go? Our books right? When our assignments come, where is our focus mostly? On our projects right? As you eat, b4 you slp, as you walk to uni n etc.. You think how to solve it, you plan when is your next free break to work on it, our focus is mostly on assignments.
I’m like blindly typing whatever that comes to mind now. Putting myself in God’s position.. Where thinking what must it be like to love someone so badly and not be loved back? Or putting so much care and effort creating something so fearfully and wonderfully only to have it taken away.
Calming down.. I dunno why or how I suddenly got so emotional. Just saying things that I feel.. But seriously.. How does God do it? We can say we love someone so much, but how long do we love that person after he/she brutally hurt us, use us, ignore us, forget us and etc. I bet after awhile most of us prob just give up right? Especially after that person found another partner. You could say cause God does not have a female to love or another god or something, I dunno. Aihz.. Its truly mystifying why God would create man and woman to love each other yet wanting each gender to love Him. Yet He probably only have angels to talk to and.. I dunno. Mind boggling. Cant imagine what heaven is like. Haha!!
Cheerio~
ReiRei
End of 1st week Sem 3 Part 1
Its been 3 weeks(?) since I have been in Melbourne cbd. Days come and go. With each passing day I do the usual things; attend classes, cook, clean, eat, shower, sleep, find church, find cell, find cf.. Yet, somehow as I came out of another church I just attended.. Some part of me is asking, what am I doing in Melbourne. True, I wanted to attend a different major, I wanted an experience outside of Malaysia but.. I feel so.. bland? I’m not sure what I feel is correct, I’m still asking God, was studies all I came here for?
True studies is important, I’m not saying its not. But.. maybe its because its only been a weeks or 2 since my parents left(aka homesick).. but I just feel like a.. ghost wandering through this ghost city. Haha!! I really dunno how to put this. Exciting life.. it somehow doesn’t feel very exciting.
Am I expecting too much? Am I dried up or low on fire just cause I’ve been attending different churches? Lord, is my focus being fuzzed up?
How do we balance being so on fire for God, wanting to do His works, yet balancing and maintaining our assignments, studies and grades? How do we divide our time to growing deep in His Word while at the same time working hard on subjects we’re really bad at?
Discipline? Time management? Are those enough? Effort and faith.. I somehow most of the time hang onto these before I entered university. Through it I have really experienced moving with God but my grades, well.. They weren’t perfect. Just average. Being in uni feels like I cannot just have average.. It must be more. But at the same time, I really really wanna serve God, study and read more on what God speaks, what God has done.
Others can do it. Does it really truly mean that everyone can? Do everyone really have the capability of achieving what their seniors have achieved?
What do you do if a child comes to you hungry? Do you feed him/her flour instead of bread? Or crumbs instead of a biscuit?
What am I seeking for? What should I be seeking for? What is truly the reason that I came to Melbourne? Is it really just to study? To experience the different cultures and environment not “available” in Malaysia?
Cheers
ReiRei
True studies is important, I’m not saying its not. But.. maybe its because its only been a weeks or 2 since my parents left(aka homesick).. but I just feel like a.. ghost wandering through this ghost city. Haha!! I really dunno how to put this. Exciting life.. it somehow doesn’t feel very exciting.
Am I expecting too much? Am I dried up or low on fire just cause I’ve been attending different churches? Lord, is my focus being fuzzed up?
How do we balance being so on fire for God, wanting to do His works, yet balancing and maintaining our assignments, studies and grades? How do we divide our time to growing deep in His Word while at the same time working hard on subjects we’re really bad at?
Discipline? Time management? Are those enough? Effort and faith.. I somehow most of the time hang onto these before I entered university. Through it I have really experienced moving with God but my grades, well.. They weren’t perfect. Just average. Being in uni feels like I cannot just have average.. It must be more. But at the same time, I really really wanna serve God, study and read more on what God speaks, what God has done.
Others can do it. Does it really truly mean that everyone can? Do everyone really have the capability of achieving what their seniors have achieved?
What do you do if a child comes to you hungry? Do you feed him/her flour instead of bread? Or crumbs instead of a biscuit?
What am I seeking for? What should I be seeking for? What is truly the reason that I came to Melbourne? Is it really just to study? To experience the different cultures and environment not “available” in Malaysia?
Cheers
ReiRei
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