Girly Side?

I wondered bout this quite a few times. Not to mention a few times actually tryin to be a bit girly, its suprisingly hard k.. Sigh.. Its not like I was brought up in a chatty, socializing environment. Or either a dress up, fashion conscious environment. I admit when I was younger, I DIDNT care bout looks, the way I dress or the thoughts of others.


I would mind my own business, my life was just me and God, I miss those times sometimes. I would dress, those who knew me then would even agree, in a baggy pants and a huge shirt (the length say bout half thigh max??). If not it would be colour contrast, when I think about it now it looks quite funny. Lol, suprisingly I still had friends, well.. God is gud as alwyz =P.


Anyway, I would give an example which I can nvr forget, I wore like a bright yellow shirt with BRIGHT PINK pants. Lol.


Wah wah.. Haha, I bet some of those who don't really know me would be thinking, what the heck is she thinkin?? She really did tht??.. Heard those b4. At least I dress better nw no?


As for talkin, many ppl know me at first would I guess sometimes think I am an extrovert. Well, I guess it all depends, but mostly I think I like being whr no one else is. I guess it could be becoz I hav no words to say to ppl.


I hav no idea wat to say to my friends sometimes, imagine being loss of words with ur BEST friend. Sometimes makes it feel awkward too. So I thought to myself why not avoid it.


Caring what ppl thinks, I think i am startin to grow aware of it. But I still sometimes really just don't care. Nw tht I am out of high sch, I admit tht when I was in primary, some ppl tot I was weird coz I would talk to myself nw n then.


I guess thts just the side effects of thinkin God is with u alwyz. Not to mention when u had no friends much tht time, all the more talk to God. Not imaginary friend k.. Even at tht age I was already tryin to mature myself. But thts a whole diff story.


At secondary, helpin friends here and thr put me through rough times. Though some do not know, I got called quite a lot of bad names or even had bad rumours bout me spreadin just coz I had to help a friend in nid.


If THT was not it, it mostly coz I cant stand gossips, it just fires me up, like hello.. Ever thought of taking out the plank frm ur own eye b4 removing a speck of dust from others??? Who r we to judge???


Anyway, I guess its quite obvious tht mostly girls do the gossips. If guys do them, its either they join the girls out of boredom or their competitiveness.


I am not suprise if many ppl say I can b too serious for my age. Sigh, its grown on me. Wat can I do? Its helpful in a lot of ways, prob just not now.


Its hard not to think myself useless sometimes but I guess its all the devil's tempt. Words can really hurt if not mentioned properly or clearly.


I think if I really turned like those girly girls one day, it WONT be me even if I do gain many friends..