Gosh!!! Never knew it took one simple person to tel u to stop sharing God with everyone pull you down a lot. It felt a bit like a slap across the face. It so frustrating!! Whats more annoying is that..gosh!!! The idiot use to be ur gud friend. Wonderful!!! I dunno whats his prob anymore. Is it bcoz he change or i change? Or was it bcoz of our past. WATEVER!!!!! Its freaking irritating!! He talks as if i pissed him off. But who is he to educate others when he himself cant even solve his own freaking problem. ISH!!!!!!!!!! Feel like kicking or breaking something!!!! UGH!!!!!!!!!!

To top tht off, i feel like i am being stupid. Crush is a crush. Its great to know someone cares for u and all. But what is wrong with me!!! Its like i wan to be dependable upon someone. I constantly wonder wat the he is doing. Then when i catch myself doing tht i will be like.. What the hell is wrong with me!!! I am in no relationship. I dun wan to get in one till I noe it can last. How we alwyz wish the relationship would last. But at this age.. I rarely see one surviving. Its alwyz break, make up, break, make up... What the hell!!!! Mayb I am being irrational and stupid, I am not criticizing, dun get me wrong. Its great havin a relationship. But i dun wan a test drive only. I dun wan it to be dependin on one person. Neither do i wan a relationship whr its just i assume the person is like tht thts y i am attracted to tht person.

I know i have change. Change into gud and bad. Whatever.. Sigh.. But seriously.. Is all this making me go crazy..? Is it too much studies? Lol, i think i might hav to doubt. Is it due to constant control? I dunno..Mayb? Is it due to pressure frm the surroundings? Could be.. Or is it..I dunno whats happening outside anymore.. I dun feel connected to anyone outside. Lol. I admit.. I do have ppl tht cares bout me. But feeling helpless.. Unable to b help them while they help u. Feel kinda useless dun u think.. Sigh.. I noe i noe.. The time will come. Sometimes i feel like i am just wasting my time. I love holidays.. I admit. Its like time away frm all the tension in sch. However, its starting to make no diff.. I'm wasting my time away. I'm not even catchin up on things. Ever feel like a hypocrite? I feel like one nw.. Hmm... I wonder.. Why do i keep drowning myself in negativeness.. Zzz...