Misunderstandings

I still wonder whether u truly understand me. I get it if I am still not mature as u think i am. I am sry if i do not meet ur expectations as some ppl do. I get it u alwyz say its for my own gud. U dun hav to remind me all the time. The things I tel u or the reasons why i come to u when i could hav cry by myself or figure it out myself is all bcoz I wanted a bond between u n me. It is all bcoz I trust u. Its not bcoz I cant choose for myself or I am unsure wat to do. Its coz I WANT u to know wat r my decisions n wat i am going through. Nothing else. I want u to c tht I am growing n not some small girl strugglin to walk. True, I may be afriad of certain obstacles or pressured by them. But if I tel u n manage to pass the obstacle, u dun hav to rub it in as in reminding tht if i do this i take the wrong path or if i do tht i will succeed. Its not for reminders, u may think its helpful n such.. However u r just pressurin me making me think thrice or more whether my life is gonna end in a crisis. We all say God has a plan for each of us, n tht if we take the wrong paths we can destroy our lives n such.. But.. Wat is life with just flowers n rainbow? My biggest obstacle is not gettin over a stupid relationship if it didnt work out. It is not losing a friend after an argument. It is not finding a job in life to keep goin on. It is NOT failing in education and living in poverty. True many of these we can say nw tht it may not affect. However, as a growing girl, if i cant even pass the largest obstacle tht is in my way nw n prob haunt me for yrs, wat r the chances i will face those with ease? N to many ppl it prob is one of the simplest obstacle, which is meeting up to UR expectation. Knowing it tears me up n breaks me down harshly, sometimes all those minor prob which i stated above seem like dust just blowing past me. Relationships i get it u wan me to wait till i get a job, as protection not to b hurt n failin later. But, ur reminders honestly hurt 100X more. I dun hav to b in a relationship to find out. So wat if breakups, i know the person for few yrs?? But i know u since i was born. I lost count of how many times i cried coz of u, but i know deep down.. It is not as many times as friends n sibling arguments. I should be used to it by nw.. But y do i still keep cryin.. I myself cant even answr tht.. I feel useless many times by ur words, like a black sheep or accident. How much will power i hav b4 i really think i am tht, i dunno.. This post is not for any of my friends to talk to me bout. It is plainly a reminder for me in future. Dun wry bout it, especially lenna. Like i said, I dun nid to b talked to neither do i nid to talk it out. Its plainly a mark in life.