Stupid.. Plain idiotic-ly stupid.. Argh!! No idea why I'm so upset. Mad? Maybe mixture of sad and frustration? I seriously dunno. Screw it.. Got too many assignments to think about it anyway.

One thing I hate most is wishing me good things bitterly. Maybe I read it wrongly or what but.. If u wanna ask whats wrong, you dun go demanding wats wrong. Like.. Who the hell are you to tell me how to do?

Geez.. Attitude? Goodness.. Maybe been comfortable for too long. You don't understand, and you go demanding. My attitude? Check your own tone. Argh!!

我痛你都看不到。还敢讲我发脾气。。我本来不生气！！讲到这样我现在就火大！！开心了没？！！如果我现在觉得我们没希望的话，我现在就不管如果分手咯！ish... 真是气死我！！

ReiRei

Soo many things been happening!! Well, more like been just enjoying myself and hanging out with different groups of people.

Who knew things would turn out this way? Anyhow, had a wonderful bbq session as welcome to new members of ocf as well as to the old members returning from holidays. Studies have started and uni.. Is like.. Easy yet once start no idea. Not sure if its really dunno or just that I'm lacking behind.

Hm.. Maths is like.. mostly self learn I guess. The lecturer is not really teaching and online tests after online tests keeps coming in. What should I do???

Other than that, received many assignments d. So means no more playing time for the next 11 weeks. Saddddd....

As for sister, hope you are doing well and fine~!! I know jie isn't able to be back with u to kacau and take care of you but I'm sure God will watch over you better!! Trust and believe in your recovery so I shall do my best to do well here!!

Part of me feels bit different. Like wanting to take on a new change and new ways. How far can I go? Will I be able to succeed? How I wish and don't wish I could know the future and prep for it~

HAha!! Lets not go there. Well, gotta get back b4 bi gets back. Oh! Pot plant is gonna be 1 week old soon!! 3 weeks to budding~ Stay tuned~!!

ReiRei

Somehow I feel that this semester is gonna be different. And whether next sem will be like this I do not know. Friends are many, and its not like we r required to choose only one. I do not see how you can see it that way. Neither can I understand that its ok with you guys that you can have other groups but when I do it, you show as if I ditched you.

What the hell is with all the competing and comparing? Seriously! I'm just so pissed off at times that you do not change. Does it please you that someone is having it worse?

Goodness.. Sometimes it really makes you wonder.. Hang out with some people that can make you score awesome grades but suffer emotionally every now and then. Or get average grades but with people that care (I hope they honestly care =P) bout each other?

Ugh.. The pain in my throat is worsening. Pain like crazy.. Life was so fun the past few weeks and months. Don't want it to change just because of some painful things..

.Can I really trust and believe?.

ReiRei

Fuuuuuullllll.... Cooking for oneself can sometimes be hard.. Its like if theres a lil' bit left but you're full and you dun wanna waste it, so you force yourself to eat it. Then you get all uncomfortable.

Actually I dunno if its full or just tired. Haha! Well~ Today is the FIRST day of uni!! Wasnt a very good start I guess but not a bad ending either. Had a small quarrel then lecturer.. FIRST LECTURER of the day/week/month/uni kept saying "erm" more times than I can count. I think that its such a bad habit that I think he says it twice in one sentence! Not to mention being totally monotonous. Ah well..

After that had our first OCF meeting with Arabelle and Pattie~ Haha!! The day sure is gloomy and sad today. Keeps raining like theres no tomorrow! I guess Werribee's Zoo animals will be very happy to have their wells filled to the brim~ So will the rhinos and their muddy wet bath. Haha!!

Looks like things are going I guess the way it should be. Got myself involve a bit too much that I can quite feel the effect now. Feels bit sad but hey! Not the end of the world. Time to get my head focus on what should be done. And enjoy what this year is gonna bring.

BRING IT~

ReiRei

"Hm.. Not sure what I did but neck feels REALLY sore @@"

.A Hint of Doubt or Uncertainty in Your Eyes Makes Me Grow Cold.

Is it ok to date? Should I even try being involve or sharing my space with someone and get the risk of being hurt?

To trust someone other than yourself and family with your life matters. I dunno how people can see it as a small thing but to me its like a huge issue! Sometime it feels like being with someone is like inviting pain in the future. Its awesome if it works out, but disastrous if it doesn't. Friendships broken and sometimes the group that you hang out with becomes different.

I wanna focus on my studies and just enjoy happy singlehood for now. But then again.. Someone told me that its also good to at least try some dating in Uni instead of just hanging out alone at home or just girls.

Full of uncertainty fills my heart. And as I look at the faces, theres always expectancy. Would I change a lot if should get myself involve? Would it be for the better or worst? Would I build stronger ice walls or crumple down? Really don't like this uncertainty *scared* feeling...

ReiRei

Stop Lying To Yourself

Was it expectancy that I indulge myself in it? Was it knowing that following that way it would turn out that way that I chose it? Could it be any less obvious?

Question is.. Is it wat I wanted? Or was it just to prove to myself? All I know now is that perhaps I'm destroying something which is by right nice? Am I that bad to pretend its ok? Aih.. Guilt is creeping to me. And burying deeper makes me feel worst. Few more days then.. What should I do? Continue? Or bury myself in work so that hopefully time can continue its way on how it should be?

Some part of me somehow feels I should choose the last one than the first. Lies does make things sour especially when you started it yourself. Blech =) ...

Rach