Feeling Hurt

Would it be better if I be angry?
Or depress?
Should I choose to be rude?
Or instead endure the pain?
Could it be better to satisfy people with a fake heart?
Or plain say no?
Shall I ignore?
Or respond knowing full well of the result?

Though its great to have friends,
Would it be better if I've been alone?

How to respond?
What to respond?
I feel like a cold chill,
To others I'm soon to be forgotten.
Is this how life is to be?

Jeremiah 29:11 [NIV]
^"11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Psalms 34:18 [NIV]
¹⁸ The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit

Romans 8:5 [NIV]
⁵ Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.

Philippians 2: 3-4 [NIV]
³Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. ⁴Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Proverbs 3: 5-6 [NIV]
⁵ Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;

⁶ in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.

Romans 8:16-17 [NIV]
¹⁶The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. ¹⁷Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

1 Corinthians 10: 13 [NLT]
¹³ The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.


Loves~~

Stunned

Okay.. I know not long ago I posted bout driving.. And I also know that I am saying this practically to my friends that I am talking right now (842pm). But really.. Mom just gave the green light to drive alone. I've got a tiny feeling its definitely different frm when they r in the car n u are in the car alone. But whoaaa... Seriously?? Letting me drive? Ok lar.. It just to university. But.. Seriously?? I'm honestly stunned. I know it sounds like "ur expecting it not to happen??".. No but.. really?? Like now? Today??

Frm my heart I have a bit of worry that I disappoint them or get into a car crash or who knows what. Haha!! Well, will update tomoro if something does happen >.<. If everyhting goes smoothly, then thr won't be much to blog. Probably just a shoutout. So yea!! Pray for me ;P.

Loves~~~ *hearts*

Hormones

Hey hey to my blog and those that are reading this. Not long ago I heard this awesome testimony from my dad who heard it from a pastor whom heard it from who knows who. Who knows, this testimony could be true or false but I believe the message through it is still more important.

Lots of time we hear people saying "Just for one night, what could happen?", "we'll be really careful, and no one would be troubled later", "why so uptight? Won't u just chill?", "Its normal.." and who knows what else other people say. From love, the world has turn it to lust.

A girl and her family who are all devoted Christians, love God after their own heart and has always grown strongly and did everything according to His word. The girl merely a young teen is fully trusted and loved by both her parents. Normally in this kind of situation, everyone would probably think, the girl should be able to know what is right and what is wrong and would do everything right. Well lets see what happened. A boy around her age one day came over to tutor her in her studies. Both ALONE in her room. Her parents trusted both of them to just study. However after a few days, both curiosity eventually rises. One day they actually gave in and did it. The girl was so scared she tested the next day and got a negative. The boy feeling so ashamed and guilty, plead for forgiveness and repented before God. He even went up to the pastor and asked for advise. The pastor told the boy to tutor the girl in an open area where both would not be alone. So the next time the guy went over to the girl's house, he told her father to allow them to do it in the living hall. The father replied him, "I trust you and my daughter to be in the room studying, its ok". So they continued being in the room. After a few times, they eventually did it again. Unfortunately this time, the tester gave a positive sign, which meant the girl was pregnant. The family and the boy was horrified. Everyone was weeping before the pastor what to do. The mother eventually called for abortion. The pastor tried talking to her but she insisted. Abortion is like murder, which is a huge sin. Try and try, the pastor failed. The next day all of them including the pastor went to the hospital to check. The pastor only said "may the grace and mercy of God be with u", as they entered the hospital. Here starts the weird part. As the doctors were scanning for signs of the baby, they couldnt see a thing. She was then sent for testing. Results showed a blue lines, indicating there is a baby. She went for scanning again, and again no baby traced. One more time she went for testing. Results showed a thin line of blue, indicating very minimal signs of the baby. So she went for a scanner one more time. Again they couldnt find the baby. She was asked to do the tester one last time. Guess what happened? Results showed a negative, indicating no baby found. Everyone was relieved and crying thanks to God.

What can be shown here? Probably some foolish people would say, "See!! God makes sure u won't get a baby". I think not. I think here was truly shown the grace of God over the family. Everyone was really sorry for what had happened. And I guessed, God Himself didn't want to see His people cry. So He gave another chance. God is a God of second chances, if u are truly and honestly repenting. He loves you.. So of course He doesn't like to see you depressed.

For the guy and girl. Even though they didn't want to do it, however because as teenagers, we have raging hormones. Don't u say because ur a girl u can control better. Nonsense!! As long as ur a teenager, ur curious, ur tempted, i mean.. hello!! If its this really cute guy/girl or even the person u like suddenly tempts u to do it or pushes u to do it, what are the chances u WONT do it? ALL the more IF u are alone with the opposite gender in a room with no one to watch, how strong r u to say NO. Therefore.. Like I said.. For me this does not just apply to having sex or anything.. But even relationships.. Are u sure its not just your hormones thats directing u to a relationship? A lovey dovey couple relationship? How sure are you that the relationship ur in will sustain and not hurt or break u in the future? Being in one is like a drug, after a break up, u just keep looking for another to replace that feeling.

Hey, I admit myself, I know that I have hormones. Like duh.. Even I like guys, that just shows. If no hormones.. U won't be lusting or loving, then ur like.. I dunno what. Haha!! But yea.. Enough chit chat. Slping time. Mom is assuming i'm playing games now. Sigh.. Parents.. Why cant they just SEE the MONITOR before concluding. Aihz.. Not like they come in n i turn off the monitor -.-. Oh well.. Nitey nitez ppl!!

Loves~~

No Driving = No CF???

I dunno how long my patience can last..SERIOUSLY!!! I get it that the Lord spoke of "patience" during the weeks of fasting, I guess I really do need it.. However this.. THIS is really.. Whoaaa!!!

No driving alone till from your judgments its ok. I've been driving for a month with u beside me every morning and after school and to my sisters tuition and from their tuition.. Shouldn't I be at least ready to drive on my own? No driving on my own completely? Ok fine. At least a few days when we all know that it hard for u n I to find transport for me, YET u WANT to try this and that or force your way to this and that just so that I won't drive. Really!! And yet after, you sometimes complain. I suggested, u didn't take it. Then u complain and tell me why not next time I change my things to fit your time, or just wait till ur free then come to get me. Yay Hooray, why didn't u say that b4 pulling so many strings???

Ok. I've just sabar with that. Now I just went for my FIRST CF of the YEAR. I enjoyed myself, experience God's presence being there, realize how much CF have actually meant, realize WHY I join CF... Now u tell me to wait till YOUR JUDGMENTS SAY OK TO MY DRIVING SKILLS THEN I CAN JOIN CF?????????????????? When? When? When will that be? First u say a week, its a month, now u say till I shift to lake side.. I got a feeling it will be months AFTER I shift to lakeside. Then WHEN OH WHEN will I be able to go CF?

I know after I drive alone, I will be driving "alone" for the rest of my life, to my safety and protection you are seeing me through. You are making sure everything is alright and that u can be rest assured that I won't be caught in an accident or "die" of a certain car crash. Ok fine, I am not joking. But at least pleaase!!! Let me drive when we ALL know that everybody's time is blocked and that the simplest and most convenient way is to let me drive. FOR A DAY A WEEK OR A DAY A MONTH I DON'T MIND u know.. Aihzz.. If u wanna watch me drive after that day go ahead. I won't stop u, no one stopping u. Goodness... I have frust too ya noe...

❤❤*silence*❤❤

Babblings 2~~

Its fun as friends. But not sure when to take u seriously.. U both love to joke, make fools or make fun out of ppl. Sure its funny and humorous. But seriously.. Coupling?? Ok lar if u jkjk for a short while. To lengthen it till asking bit too many personal Qs.. Thats AWK-WARD~~!!

Why sound surprise that I havent been in relationship? Ask the other girls we hangout with.. They too didnt have any relationship before..

Yearn for one? I guess I sometimes do. I mean.. Seeing couples walk past u every now and then.. Especially if they are bout the same age or younger.. Who wouldnt feel like coupling sometimes?

Like/Interested in a guy? Of course will de lar.. Even the girls I'm with, see got cute guy also the just look look ny lar.. If dun like guy, I probably not straight lur.. Haha!!

However why not be in one? Hm.. Scared of hurts? Probably.. Not sure if I can be committed? Maybe? Scared it turns out bad in the end? Could say. Unsure whether its God's plan? DEFINITELY UNSURE!!! Think it fulfills wat mom n dad n churches say? Err... Definitely not..

Its quite true I'm taken.. By God lar that is.. Some ppl seems to not get it..

The Bestest Boyfriend I have is a Provider AND a Supporter AND a Teacher AND a Lover AND a Comforter AND a Protector. Not to mention a jealous one too.. Yet He doesn't hate me or dislike me or do anythin bad to me when I disappoint Him at times. Or even when I short spent my time with Him.. He doesn't leave me or forsake me.. How awesome is that?

Loves~ <3

Babblings~

College & Uni, would they be the same?
I enjoy the classes and people here, yet really disappointed with myself.. Or is it the results? The 'reminders' I get from parents, I know its concern to me. And my own thoughts reminding me bout the condition to remain... It not only pressures me but depresses me at times. How do you think I would feel?

Btw... Joking is another thing. I really don't mind jokes. Its funny, embarrassing but its in a gud way. But sometimes.. It can be hurtful or sensitive too u noe..

How could you play 'love'? Does it mean nothing to you?
How could you say 'love' after a few days of knowing?
How do you feel this 'love' after a few sharing and outings?
How can you say it is 'love' when we barely know or tried bearing with each others' bad habits?
Do you even think of our friendship?

Hey.. I may be cheerful but I am also sensitive. I take things quite seriously most of the time, though I am loud (not angry).

Maybe if there wasn't this "condition", I probably be more relaxed? and not easily depressed. I say this to few but I dun enjoy saying it as much u enjoy listening to it. But when in time of depression or sadness.. Anything can accidentally come out. Lol.. Thinking back.. Reflecting on 2 to 3 yrs... Even if its just one year.. I know something's changed.

Love~~..

College Course

Okok!!! Since few of you been asking me to update. I am really unsure what CAN I update about. LOL!!

Well.. A lot of people are still asking me what am I pursuing. And its been getting REALLY annoying and frustrating when I hear the same response over and over again.

FOR EXAMPLE...
X = random person, R = me

X: Hi Rachel, what are you studying now?

R: Computer Science. U?

X: Eh??? I thought u said u wanted to study mass com/broadcasting?

Well, for those who still ask these Qs or curious to know. Here is my answer.

R: Well, lets just say I decided to try something that will give me a broader range of jobs. Also to assure my parents that I can make a living of my own in the future.

I still love and enjoy media arts and broadcasting, all the switching of the lights, adjusting the audio system, editing clips after clips to form an impacting/hilarious movie as well as watching people laugh and making funny expressions as they act and perform. Its a true joy. Its almost like a fantasy coming to life. I dunno bout some ppl, but thats what it is for me. True, I'm not EXCELLENT or GREAT or SPECTACULAR on it like some ppl. But its an enjoyment.

However, the reason I decided to go with Computer Science is that I can always come back to Media Arts in the future, especially if I dun like Programming. Lol!! But since there is a chance to take Computer Science, why not just try it out? If its ok and good for me, why not?

I am not angry. But I just hope that ppl would somehow understand that I did not give up on media arts. So stop asking me why did I not join media arts. Sometimes I still do feel hurt or envy when I hear ppl talk bout the enjoyment of being in that course. But I'm also the kind of person which does not like to regret. I think of not only myself but of other ppl and the future too. If it is good and it reassures, I don't mind trying it.

Someone once told me that "God will use whatever talent you have for a cause".
Also, another told me "No matter which road you take, even you ter-step into a wrong path, God will somehow direct you back to the right if you follow His ways".

Oh well, if this was really the wrong path. It only means I have taken the longer route to God. Better than being fully lost I guess. How reassuring XD.

OH!!! To some of my college friends frm Taylors (or elsewhr), yes I do believe I might be turning more feminine XD. Probably a phase =P.

Cheerio~
Loves!!!